Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
