I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
