I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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