did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
