I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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