I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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