i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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