Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
