what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
