She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
