wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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