3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
