just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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