If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
