I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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