hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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