at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
