I showed him my bush... on skype.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
