...so i touched it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
