you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
