His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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