At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
