Midget sex pt 2 tonight
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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