once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
