i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
