my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
