i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I FOUND THE LEGS
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
