life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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