you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
