Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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