So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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