God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
