he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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