I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
