i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
