Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
