The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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