your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
