So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
