Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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