The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
