the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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