Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
