So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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