someone get that fucking seahorse.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
