i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
