There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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