laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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