Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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