Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
