Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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