C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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