Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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