Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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