Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
